Ö.Ö
How can you do that to me?!
The first thing I did after reading this story:
I took my umbrella out of my drawer (I have a folding umbrella) and placed it gently on the bureau in the hallway..OK OK I petted him ( yes my umbrella is male Ö.ö ) affectionately afterwards ;-P
It is your fault, when I start from now on to lecture strangers on the street how to treat your umbrella......

You are an evil genius!!!!